Summer School Shenanigans, Part 1

My month of mischief and mayhem

Every day this month I’ve been sharing my daily summer school shenanigans on Substack Notes. As it’s an intense teaching experience, my brain isn’t operating at full creative capacity to produce any writing of higher literary merit. Normal service will eventually resume once the heat dissipates and the shenanigans come to an end.

Because I don’t want all my loyal, wonderful readers to miss out – since the vast majority don’t fritter away your time on Substack like many of us – I offer you part 1 of my daily mischief making: the first 15 notes, lightly edited for clarity.

Background

This is my 5^th summer school experience: 2005, 2008, 2010, 2025, 2026. I’m teaching English in in the UK to students between 11-18, mostly Italian, but with sprinklings of Spanish, Colombian, Brazilian, Greek, Turkish and Saudi students.

It’s a demanding job: 6 days of teaching a week, 6 hours of teaching a day. One measly day off. It might not sound like much, but it’s draining.

Classes and students are constantly changing, things are flip-flopped, you might teach the same core group of students a few days in a row, you might meet some classes only once.

As a residential teacher, I stay on campus in halls of residence/dorms, and eat at the canteens/dining halls.

In my younger days, I taught 3 hours a day in the morning, and did activities and sports and went on excursions with the kids. These days it’s all teaching.

A typical day: up around 6 for an hour or two of reading, coffee and faffing about. Breakfast either in the small kitchen I share with 6 other teachers, or at the canteen before class starts at 9:15. Three hours of teaching, then a 90-minute lunch break. Three more hours, then dinner.

Back to my room around 7pm or so, but I try to go for walks around the campus, which is lovely (except for the nasty geese who hiss and chase me). By the time I’m back in my room, my brain is fried and I can barely stay awake.

Complicating matters this month has been the World Cup. I’ve watched way too much of it, leaving precious few hours to do more worthwhile things.

BONUS!

Teachers love doing ‘True or False’ get to know the teacher activities. Or sometimes we tell stories and they have to spot the lie(s).

You can do the same, dear learners, with these notes – one of them is not true. Can you guess which?

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Summer School Shenanigans (day 1)

As an old cynical bastard in this business for far too long, I’ve seen it all, not much fazes or surprises me. I’m unflappable most of the time, which may sound surprising to those who know me for my curmudgeonliness and complaining.

Today was the start of the adventure. There are some 25 teachers in the WhatsApp chat, meant to resolve or report issues (it’s soooo hard to resist the temptation to post snark).

The same 10 or so teachers make up 95% of these so-called issues:

• ‘my computer’s not logging on, can someone help?’

• ‘can I get some paper in room 22?’

• ‘I don’t have Francisco DePoopi on my register, can someone check?’

• ‘what’s the Kahoot! password?’

• ‘the lesson PDF isn’t opening, can someone fix it for me?’

• ‘Giulia di Verde from room 18 went to the toilet 20 minutes ago and hasn’t returned, can someone she if she got stuck?’

• ‘the A/C doesn’t work in room 8’ (it wasn’t turned on)

I kid you not, there are over 100 messages littering the group chat.

Things can only get better.

Summer school shenanigans (day 2)

In the first day or two teaching Italian, Spanish, Greek and Colombian teenagers, we’re introducing them to UK culture with power points, games, quizzes and making them do poster presentations about their upcoming excursions.

A lot of the kids are going to the British Museum. I told them about all the plundered loot from around the world that the British are hoarding, and how it was their patriotic duty to demand the return of what is rightfully theirs. As a team, they’ve been to work together to smuggle the Elgin marbles out and they seemed excited at the prospect.

Tomorrow might be the end of my career/freedom and a bunch of kids might be heading for prison too. Keep an eye on the news.

Summer school shenanigans (day 3)

Today we had ‘spot observations’, which means members of academic management pop into the classrooms unannounced to make sure we’re doing our jobs properly and not misleading the kids.

Here’s a snippet of the feedback I received:

‘You seem to really enjoy what you’re doing and the students appreciate your teaching, even if your sense of humour might be an acquired taste. I can understand your desire to lighten things up and make the students laugh, but I’d be wary of the choice of jokes you choose to share.

‘For example, I don’t think ‘what do excuses and assholes have in common? everyone has one’ is suitable for a group of teenagers.’

Summer school shenanigans (day 4)

It’s my one day off a week and I’m relaxing with a pint or two of bitter in Colchester city centre.

But work is never far from my mind - I’ve already bumped into a few of my students around town and two of them were gawking at me through the pub window mere minutes ago.

The place is crawling with foreign teenagers.

Spotted on the streets:

• Three Greeks ordering souvlaki from a food cart

• A group of Italians going into Five Guys

• More Italians and Spanish entering Burger King

They’ll no doubt come to class tomorrow and tell their teachers they tried local food.

And complain about how bad it was.

Summer school shenanigans (day 5)

Today was an almighty struggle. One of the toughest days of my teaching life.

It didn’t get off to the best start - I barely slept after staying up till the wee hours watching the England match. (It was well worth it.)

I then had 6 hours of lessons with 18 low-level Italian 12–13-year-olds. Most of them could barely string more than three coherent words together and they understood little of what I was saying. It wasn’t my usual set of students - I was sent in as a reinforcement after they made their two regular teachers cry this past Friday (no joke).

I was fighting to stay awake and maintain calm. I might’ve shouted once or twice. Might’ve even dropped an f-bomb (or two). From their side was racism, absolute disrespect, insolence, nastiness, constant jabbering in Italian…tbf, it was ‘only’ 2/3 of them - 5 or 6 kids were trying their best.

Will tomorrow be any better? Thankfully, I’ll have different classes, with a handful of Spanish, Colombians and Brazilians, and they’re higher-level, but I’m likely to be just as knackered - I’m staying up for USA-Belgium.

Will I ever learn my lesson? No, I will not.

I’m too old for this crap.

Summer school shenanigans (day 6)

Breakfast was so good this morning that I decided to keep it with me.

All day.

I was groggy this morning from staying up late watching the WC (bad idea), and as I perched my tray precariously on the counter whilst trying to pour myself a cup of tea, the tray went tumbling, splattering my brand new, first-time worn trousers with egg and baked beans. Many students witnessed this.

As a firm believer in never playing down an embarrassing situation, I lapped it up, raising my arms in the air and proclaiming loudly, ‘you see that? you see what an idiot I am?’ I then stubbornly and childishly refused to get another breakfast, saying that I ‘deserved to be punished for my clumsiness and negligence. I will carry this shame with me all day!’

The staff looked at me, bemused.

In fairness, it wasn’t entirely my fault - the sleeve of paper cups was stuck together and it was impossible to pry one cup lose without using two hands and a lot of force. Even once my food had splattered on me and the floor, I struggled with both hands to pry one free. From the mangled cups I saw lying around, it appears I wasn’t the only one who faced this battle.

Silver linings: my students got a kick out of the story (only one of my own students had witnessed the carnage) and it led to a few minutes of fun discussions about various embarrassing moments.

Everything is a teachable moment.

Summer school shenanigans (day 7)

Class finishes at 5.45pm each day, and Argentina-Egypt kicked off at 5. Of course we were going to watch it. With their team not in the World Cup, most Italians are getting behind Argentina.

Questionable educational value? Not at all - the commentary was in English and Scottish, and I have no doubt the students improved their listening skills while listening to the soothing dulcet tones of Ally McCoist.

Gianpaolo, in the role of teacher, is giving this a thumbs up.

Summer school shenanigans (day 8)

A contrast from before and after lunch:

This morning I had a terrific class with Italian, Spanish and Greek teenagers. We discussed feminism, equality, homophobia, transphobia, racism, they were so into it, using excellent language, justifying their opinions, showing passion and emotion, which usually produces a richer range of language. The 3 hours flew by and the kids could’ve gone on about this for hours, there was no stopping them.

After lunch, we always switch classes and I was eager to see how my next class - similarly motivated and passionate - would get on. If they generate the ideas, I go with whatever the flow is. I don’t introduce these topics - our theme was speeches and in the brainstorming process, we got sidetracked and ended up having vociferous debates.

A message arrived from management over lunch: “Please be aware that with the arrival of the Saudi students, because of their religion, they are prohibited from working with girls in class, and please avoid any sensitive topics.”

You effing kidding me?

The two (new) Saudi students were pleasant enough, but the class was a fair old slog.

I’ll have more to say on this at a later date.

Summer school shenanigans (day 9)

Classroom chaos: good (sometimes)

Organisational chaos: bad (always)

This morning I had a perfect mix of 9 Italians and 9 Brazilians, higher level, motivated, talkative. I couldn’t get them to shut up. It was chaotic, loud, out of control.

But…it was brilliant.

I have a classroom rule when it comes to summer school - you can go off-topic and not do what I ask, as long as you’re speaking English. The kids are there to communicate and have fun, not do tedious grammar exercises.

They were all gabbing away in English, paired up perfectly with a different nationality, and the pairs morphed into small groups and then back to pairs and back into groups and…

At times I could barely get a word in edgeways but I didn’t mind.

You see? It’s not always so bad - chaos can be great, if it’s (somewhat) under control.

As for the (dis)organisational chaos, and the shambolic ways that classes and students are constantly shuffled around, confusing teachers and students alike…the less said, the better.

Summer school shenanigans (day 10)

Not even close to the halfway point and I’m wiped out.

At the pub now for the England match and I’m not sure I can stay awake.

Summer school shenanigans (day 10…or is it 11? I’m losing track)

My one day off. A well-deserved pint after a robust hike. No kids or colleagues in sight.

The book is terrific. The Hazy IPA even better.

Blisteringly hot day. Had to go back inside right after this photo.

Summer school shenanigans (day 12)

We’re not only teaching English, but also trying to instill British cultural values into these European and Brazilian heathens.

Queue jumping at mealtimes is absolutely not tolerated. But staff - teachers, especially - are allowed, even encouraged, to jump the queue. Most teachers take full advantage of this right.

I, being unfailingly polite - too much so at times - try not to cut in, instead patiently foolishly awaiting my turn.

This morning at breakfast, the queue was absurdly long and I had to get to class to prepare (‘prepare’, I should say). So I cut in near the front, as is my right, only to get aggressively and rudely told off by…a colleague.* Not a teacher, but one of the local activity leaders, the younger people who wear purple shirts and maintain law and order. Funnily, it’s these VERY SAME activity leaders who, when they see idiots like me queueing, will say ‘what are you doing, you don’t need to wait!’

This woman was very unpleasant and told me I couldn’t cut in. A mild argument ensued, though on my part I was polite and only marginally passively aggressive. She, on the other hand, was nasty and condescending. What happened to respecting your elders, eh?

The one lousy time I jump the queue this happens.

I reported her to her boss but guess what - she had reported me first, the brazen hussy!

(*you could also say I got a bollocking)

Summer school shenanigans (day 13)

With the first batch of kids leaving, they were issued their ‘graduation certificates’. We had to give them marks based on ‘effort and participation in class’.

The scale: Outstanding, Excellent, Great, Very Good, Good

I’m all for positive reinforcement and not destroying these kids’ confidence, but…some of those getting ‘Good’ were nowhere near ‘Good’ and they’re bound to see their mark and think ‘A-ha, you see? I did well!’

Where were the options for Disgraceful, Appalling, Shocking, Horrid, and Hopeless?

Kids are coddled too much these days. Poor preparation for the harsh reality of the real world.

Summer school shenanigans (day 14)

It was time for goodbyes, as the first intake of students going home. There were tears, emotions, hugs, heartbreak…not from me, but from them 😉

I’ve seen this before and I’ll see it again. It is so sad to see them having to say goodbye to their new friends, I get a bit teary-eyed (though try to hide it, obvs) when some of them say really nice things to me. Most of the kids I’ve met and taught so far have been superstars and if only all students were like them…

A part of me is tempted to say ‘you know kids, this is life, it never gets easier but let’s be honest - you’re unlikely to see each other again, even if you live only an hour apart in Italy/wherever.’

Then again, with Instagram and Snapchat and The Facebook, mySpace, Tumbler, etc, they can easily stay in touch with each other.

As a teacher, saying goodbye to colleagues after a few weeks in a summer school has been heartbreaking in the past (these days, as a cynical old misanthrope, I try to flee in the dead of night and hope no one notices).

For teenagers, I have no idea if it’s tougher.

(Now let’s see how many of the little darlings read my book 😂)

Summer school shenanigans (day 15)

I’ve hit the halfway point of my stint and with a lull in between one big group of kids leaving and another arriving, most of the teachers had two days of professional development…meetings/seminars/workshops (?)

Yours truly delivered easily the most stimulating and worthwhile training session (trust me).

There’s a mixed bag of teachers here, quite the motley crew. Which describes many English as a Foreign Language teachers around the globe. Many of us - the author very much included - are oddballs, some more loveable than others.

In attendance, we had:

• the nonstop talker, the interrupter, the dude who has an opinion on EVERYTHING and drones on and on - no one knows how to get him to keep quiet and on topic

• a couple of non-native English speakers with impenetrable accents - if I can barely understand them, I wonder how on earth their students can

• the oversharer who, within the first few minutes, has revealed to us all her entire backstory, including relationship troubles

• the teacher who manages, in every comment, to drop in another country she’s lived in: ‘Yes, well, in North Korea we used to…ah, that reminds me of when I taught in Mozambique…not necessarily, in Kuwait, we…but in Suriname we always…’

• the wisecracking Irishman whose always witty quips are appreciated by only 2-3 of us (a pity, he’s quite the craic)

• the idiot who insults his colleagues and doesn’t take anything seriously

No points for guessing which one is me 😉

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Did you guess which one of the above is not true?

It can be hard to take me seriously at the best of times. My snark and sarcasm has got me into a fair bit of trouble over the years.

But do I learn my lesson?

Have a think, go back if you must.

The false one is…

Day 3:

Today we had ‘spot observations’, which means members of academic management pop into the classrooms unannounced to make sure we’re doing our jobs properly and not misleading the kids.

This part is true - we did have observations.

But I most certainly did not tell this joke in front of an observer. I might be bold and foolish, but even I have my limits.

‘For example, I don’t think ‘what do excuses and assholes have in common? everyone has one’ is suitable for a group of teenagers.’

(though to be fair, I have told this joke in class plenty of times, just not in front of an observer)

(and I hate to bring this up, but in case you’re wondering - the actual feedback was half-decent; apparently I know what I’m doing in the classroom)

The rest of my shenanigans will be shared once my time here is up.

The end is…in sight.

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Daniel is (or was?) a long-time English as a Foreign Language teacher, author, shining wit (and lover of spoonerisms), and cynical curmudgeon. If you would like to support him (thanks!), he’s written a few books, and they’re available from your preferred retailer. Actually, that’s not entirely true: only A Classroom in Kyiv is (and in print) but the other ones are currently only available as ebooks at Amazon or directly from him below: