Well, here we go

I’ll try to do better the next time

After a few unsuccessful attempts, I finally got a cover I was happy with (thanks Brian!). For those who asked, that handsome devil is indeed me.

It’s been a long and unpredictable journey, and at times I was ready to give up, but I think we got there in the end.

All the important logistical details of how to buy it and where, along with totally unnecessary explanations, are all here.

The book offers all sorts of things, it’s quite an eclectic mix if the book description is anything to go by. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your perspective) it features a handful of whinges and gripes. Trust me, they’re all justified and fit the context of what I’m trying to say. I’m glad at least one of my loyal readers has said they will buy a future book entitled The Cantankerous Curmudgeon (I’m not kidding: I have a bullet point list of close to 100 ‘issues’ to get off my chest).

Here are some sneak peeks to give you an idea:

I am sorely tempted to share two recent complaints that have jeopardised this book being ready on time, but thankfully – fingers crossed – I was able to get those sorted out. Rest assured, I will probably be boring you with those tales in the next week or two.

My website is now live and ready for your perusal, but what you won’t see there just yet is the book. It’s out tomorrow (or today or yesterday, depending on when you’re reading this) – Saturday, 15 June. You can get the eBook with multiple files (EPUB and PDF).

danielpuzzo.com

The eBook is on my site and Amazon.

If you want the paperback, for the time being Amazon is one of only two places that offers it, and it will be available on 15 June.

If you’re in the UK and you look really hard, there is another place selling it (good luck, I can’t find it, but that’s because they’re probably pissed off with me and have taken it down – that was one of the so-called ‘issues’ that almost derailed my book last week).

You might notice that at the bottom of that screenshot, it says ‘Report an issue with this product or seller.’ You cannot report something like ‘the seller is a serial, grumpy complainer who seriously needs to chill out.’ No, it’s for more technical queries.

Obviously it’s up to you where to order it from, but unless you live in Ukraine (details in just a minute), I’d recommend using Amazon. Put simply, as it’s my first book I want to make the Amazon algorithms happy and more sales there means a higher chance of getting noticed if people see the book in the rankings. In this business, some call it the ‘bank v rank’ dilemma. I can ‘bank’ more short-term selling direct on my site versus getting higher ‘rank’ long-term on the sales charts…

...unless you despise Amazon, and I know some people do. One friend with knowledge of the publishing industry did tell me to provide alternatives to Amazon haters. If need be, I can have the book up on Google Play, Apple Books and other sites in the next couple of weeks.

(Also, on my site, EU and UK residents will get hit with a VAT charge.)

For my Ukrainian friends in Ukraine who want the eBook, I’d recommend getting it from my site. Why? Because Amazon has a significantly lower royalty rate for certain territories, Ukraine being one of them, and believe me, I’ve spent hours with customer support trying to find out why. It seems pretty unfair, but what do I know? I never did get a satisfactory response, but I ‘threatened’ them and said I would tell my Ukrainian readers not to get the eBook from them (not a good idea, they’ll probably ban me now).

Note to my mother who might be reading: stop now, read no further, these next paragraphs are not for your eyes!

For my dear Ukraine-based Ukrainian readers, I have other options if you’re having difficulties having the paperback delivered, though I have been reliably informed that Nova Poshta have arrangements with Amazon. In addition, I’ve been asked about multiple copies, and if you do want more, get in touch and we can work out a discounted price.

This could be a crazy idea, but I can deliver a few books in person (yes, seriously!). This is tentative, but the plan is to be in Kyiv the second half of July and I’ll either stuff two suitcases full of books or figure out how to order some copies in bulk to have them delivered. I’m not sure how many I’ll be able to lug back, but I will try to take as many as possible. Because I don’t know how many books I will be able to transport, I might have to operate on a first-come, first-served basis, depending on demand.

Also, I’m eager to set up some events, whether that’s book signings, meet-and-greets at either bookshops (if they’ll have me) or other venues. If anyone knows anything about this or has some contacts, I’d be grateful for any suggestions. At the very least, I could find a nice and spacious café or bar who won’t mind me hanging out all day selling/signing books and meeting readers, as long as we all have some beer/coffee/whatever.

If you’re outside Ukraine and would like a signed copy, then one day perhaps our paths will meet. My daughter and I are planning an epic US road trip from east to west, north to south. But you’ll have to be patient - it’ll be a few years from now. (by then, I can sign all 7 of my books for you!)

Anyway, if this all sounds unnecessarily complex it’s because I love overcomplicating things, so go easy on me, it’s my first time, it will work out and, by hook or by crook, you’ll get the book (if you want it).

(My mother, who should not be reading this part, likes to say, “Things have a way of working out.”)

If you do decide to read it (thank you in advance), I'd be very grateful if you could leave an honest review somewhere - either on my page, Goodreads or best of all, Amazon (where most people these days get their books). Amazon can be a bit fussy about reviews not purchased from them, so it's a good idea to take a screenshot or a photo so that they know you actually have the book. A nice idea might be to share a favourite passage (or two), something you want to highlight to others. Or, if you think my book is lousy and full of misinformation, be honest and say so and share an excerpt that you particularly think is a load of gobbledygook (trust me, it’s full of nonsense and mumbo jumbo!).

Here’s an example of a review I recently submitted to Amazon, for a book I purchased elsewhere, if you want to get an idea of what I’m talking about:

Now, even though it’s only early afternoon, I think I’ll make myself a stiff martini or two to relax, thankful that this damn book is finally finished, and then tomorrow I’ll get cracking on the sequel, tentatively titled Bruno Mars Almost Got Me Fired & Don’t Draw Penises on Whiteboards (What Not to Do in the Classroom).

In the meantime, read your hearts out, and thanks for your patience.