This was a tough read. I can't begin to imagine the stress of having to move quickly with a child in tow. I appreciate you sharing, though. If we don't share real stories, mythology moves in to take the space.
Thanks for reading. One thing I failed to mention (perhaps I should have) was how harrowing it was for people who fled with kids after the invasion. It was easier for us leaving ahead of time. A good friend had a 6 week old son and another was heavily pregnant, and it was agonising for both of them, especially because men weren’t allowed to leave. If I thought my choices were tough…
You didn't have to mention that. When you said about your wife and her friend with the baby... I can only imagine the hell they've gone through. It makes me angry to think how the Russians bombed maternity hospitals, schools, community centres... Anywhere where the vulnerable were sheltering. Awful.
One more harrowing story. My ex's friend fled to a small village after the invasion. But as word of atrocities spread, she realised it might not be safe. So she had to escape and made an arduous journey on foot for something like 50-60 km back to Kyiv carrying her daughter, who was 3 at the time, much of the way.
Wow! Incredible to get first hand experiences! Thank god you got out early , of course you would do any thing to protect your child. It must have been absolutely terrifying!!! I think it’s important to get these stories out there, and your writing is so bloody good , it’s gripping and I felt your stress and anxiety all the way through. I think you handled it really well considering you were getting info from people who had some inside knowledge! Which made it the even more scarier and gave you a sense of urgency ! Well done for sharing this.
Absolutely terrifying is definitely a good way of putting it. Not the kind of experience I should like to repeat again. I should be safe in Vienna...I hope (one never knows!)
I'm so sorry, I haven't read this or your last post because any- and everything that reminds me of the current state of the world severely triggers my anxiety. I'm constantly stuck between wanting to stay informed/not ignoring the personal plights brought on by all the madness and just wanting to stick my head in the sand. I will read these pieces when I'm in the proper headspace for them, but, even without having read them, I can only imagine what you've gone through and want to express that I care and empathise. I hope writing about this experience provides some sense of release for you at least 🫶
Thank you Stephanie, I appreciate your honesty and completely understand. Your words have partially inspired me to write a future post titled 'Having Kids is Bad for Your Mental Health.' I'll change topics for a minute to illustrate my point - it's just my nature, I have to read everything, the more so because I have a daughter and feel like I need to know what's going on in the world. But the more I read, the more I fear for the/her future and I wonder whether it was a good idea to have a child. Especially when it comes to tech, and gadgets and that nasty world, it terrifies me. I have a friend, also with a child, who chooses to ignore all this (she's Ukrainian, she can't ignore that), or anything that might cause her grief. But I argue that as a parent, I think you really ought to be as informed as possible. That's the gist of my argument for now.
Honestly, there's no pressure to read, I'm grateful for your empathy and if you do want to read, I promise not to delete them ☺️
I'm not sure if it comes through in this post, but I am trying to focus on the positives and silver linings. I'll have another 3-part series coming soon (not about Ukraine) where the first post will be dark and heavy, but it's an attempt to set up the positives and silver linings by the time we get to part 3. I'm a passionate pessimist, but if I can somehow spin things in a positive light, hopefully anyone can.
(the TL;DR version of this post: luckily I left Ukraine with my daughter before it all kicked off - phew! - we're fine now ☺️)
What you've outlined above is exactly the reason I was always on the fence about having children and ended up not becoming a mother. I am a chronic worrier and an overall anxious person who is constantly contemplating her own future and that of humanity and I was always afraid having a child whose future I would fear for as well (and probably even more than my own) would be enough to push me over the edge. I definitely look forward to reading about how you perceive it in a future post on that subject.
Meanwhile I will read the others. These past couple of weeks there has just been a lot to deal with and I avoid news and anything having to do with current conflicts and politics when I'm in a space like that, but I'm coming out of it and will catch up on my reading!
For now, I'd say stick to some light fiction! (or any fiction...or some pleasant travel writing...)
Another quick story - as a chronic worrier, it hardly takes much to set me on edge. My daughter has a birthday party tomorrow. Yesterday the mother phoned me to ask whether it's okay if they swim in their pool and immediately my heart started pounding. Sensing my hesitation, the mother reassured me that they'd be chaperoned at all times (my daughter can swim, but still). This kind of thing freaks me out. Earlier I was in the toilet (sorry, TMI! but it's to illustrate my point) and there was a pounding at the door, relentless and I didn't think it was ever going to stop, and I panicked thinking, oh no, what's happened, is it the police? and I rushed to the door...and it was the damn post office deliveryman (who's an impatient idiot). I was so wound up that I might have said one or two naughty things to him in a raised voice. I can't help it.
The weather's getting better, spring is on the way, the south coast will soon be sparkling - there's plenty to look forward to!
The toilette incident could very well have happened to me (it's always the police at my door in my imagination) 😂 And if I had a child, the first scenario as well!
oh my god Daniel, this was harrowing. I'm so sorry you went through that, but you handled it amazingly and you write about it so well. I can't imagine the state of panic I would've been in, you're hardcore!
Hardcore is pushing it, but thanks all the same. Believe me, not sure how well I handled it. I did what I had to do in the end, but I put myself through hell in the process. I’m not so great at remaining calm under any pressure, even the slightest bit of it.
Harrowing, my friend. Thats the only word that came to mind as I read this breakdown of what must have been a terrifying time for you. Thanks for sharing this with us. I'm sure it wasn't easy to relive.
It was indeed terrifying, but strangely, it wasn’t so difficult to relive. Enough time has passed and our bodies are good at coping and helping us forget how traumatic something was at the time. Sure, it was tough, and I was a mess, but I haven’t experienced that same level of inner angst since and I can’t recall how it physically felt, if that makes sense. I just remember it being bad, but now I reflect on it and try to see the positive side - hey, I have a good story to tell now, right? (sounds a bit ruthless, but I trust you know what I mean)
God this was a terrifying read. I remember watching the news and wondering how on earth people would figure out leaving - especially in cases of family illness etc. It was horrific to watch. I can’t imagine being there and I’m so sorry for all those still suffering - thank you for sharing this. People need to read these accounts.
Don’t worry about scaring people. Sometimes being terrified is necessary - don’t sugar coat the shit, if you know what I mean. If news is always easy to read, it’s not news.
Dear Daniel, the main reason for me to leave Kiev immediatelly with Olya was a strong concern (I remember my mother' stories about broken families due to the 2nd World War) that Olya will not see Emi anymore. That is why we rushed only with backpacks and equipment that girls needed to continue working (and earning money!). Fortunatelly, all of us had alarm backpacks (documents, money, water, knife :) etc.) ready from January 2021.
This was a tough read. I can't begin to imagine the stress of having to move quickly with a child in tow. I appreciate you sharing, though. If we don't share real stories, mythology moves in to take the space.
Thanks for reading. One thing I failed to mention (perhaps I should have) was how harrowing it was for people who fled with kids after the invasion. It was easier for us leaving ahead of time. A good friend had a 6 week old son and another was heavily pregnant, and it was agonising for both of them, especially because men weren’t allowed to leave. If I thought my choices were tough…
You didn't have to mention that. When you said about your wife and her friend with the baby... I can only imagine the hell they've gone through. It makes me angry to think how the Russians bombed maternity hospitals, schools, community centres... Anywhere where the vulnerable were sheltering. Awful.
One more harrowing story. My ex's friend fled to a small village after the invasion. But as word of atrocities spread, she realised it might not be safe. So she had to escape and made an arduous journey on foot for something like 50-60 km back to Kyiv carrying her daughter, who was 3 at the time, much of the way.
Christ.
Damn Daniel, that's an incredible tale. I don't know how you weathered it all, I would've been a gibbering mess in the corner.
I barely weathered it all and I was a gibbering mess much of the time. To be fair, not much has changed since (!)
Wow! Incredible to get first hand experiences! Thank god you got out early , of course you would do any thing to protect your child. It must have been absolutely terrifying!!! I think it’s important to get these stories out there, and your writing is so bloody good , it’s gripping and I felt your stress and anxiety all the way through. I think you handled it really well considering you were getting info from people who had some inside knowledge! Which made it the even more scarier and gave you a sense of urgency ! Well done for sharing this.
Absolutely terrifying is definitely a good way of putting it. Not the kind of experience I should like to repeat again. I should be safe in Vienna...I hope (one never knows!)
I'm so sorry, I haven't read this or your last post because any- and everything that reminds me of the current state of the world severely triggers my anxiety. I'm constantly stuck between wanting to stay informed/not ignoring the personal plights brought on by all the madness and just wanting to stick my head in the sand. I will read these pieces when I'm in the proper headspace for them, but, even without having read them, I can only imagine what you've gone through and want to express that I care and empathise. I hope writing about this experience provides some sense of release for you at least 🫶
Thank you Stephanie, I appreciate your honesty and completely understand. Your words have partially inspired me to write a future post titled 'Having Kids is Bad for Your Mental Health.' I'll change topics for a minute to illustrate my point - it's just my nature, I have to read everything, the more so because I have a daughter and feel like I need to know what's going on in the world. But the more I read, the more I fear for the/her future and I wonder whether it was a good idea to have a child. Especially when it comes to tech, and gadgets and that nasty world, it terrifies me. I have a friend, also with a child, who chooses to ignore all this (she's Ukrainian, she can't ignore that), or anything that might cause her grief. But I argue that as a parent, I think you really ought to be as informed as possible. That's the gist of my argument for now.
Honestly, there's no pressure to read, I'm grateful for your empathy and if you do want to read, I promise not to delete them ☺️
I'm not sure if it comes through in this post, but I am trying to focus on the positives and silver linings. I'll have another 3-part series coming soon (not about Ukraine) where the first post will be dark and heavy, but it's an attempt to set up the positives and silver linings by the time we get to part 3. I'm a passionate pessimist, but if I can somehow spin things in a positive light, hopefully anyone can.
(the TL;DR version of this post: luckily I left Ukraine with my daughter before it all kicked off - phew! - we're fine now ☺️)
What you've outlined above is exactly the reason I was always on the fence about having children and ended up not becoming a mother. I am a chronic worrier and an overall anxious person who is constantly contemplating her own future and that of humanity and I was always afraid having a child whose future I would fear for as well (and probably even more than my own) would be enough to push me over the edge. I definitely look forward to reading about how you perceive it in a future post on that subject.
Meanwhile I will read the others. These past couple of weeks there has just been a lot to deal with and I avoid news and anything having to do with current conflicts and politics when I'm in a space like that, but I'm coming out of it and will catch up on my reading!
For now, I'd say stick to some light fiction! (or any fiction...or some pleasant travel writing...)
Another quick story - as a chronic worrier, it hardly takes much to set me on edge. My daughter has a birthday party tomorrow. Yesterday the mother phoned me to ask whether it's okay if they swim in their pool and immediately my heart started pounding. Sensing my hesitation, the mother reassured me that they'd be chaperoned at all times (my daughter can swim, but still). This kind of thing freaks me out. Earlier I was in the toilet (sorry, TMI! but it's to illustrate my point) and there was a pounding at the door, relentless and I didn't think it was ever going to stop, and I panicked thinking, oh no, what's happened, is it the police? and I rushed to the door...and it was the damn post office deliveryman (who's an impatient idiot). I was so wound up that I might have said one or two naughty things to him in a raised voice. I can't help it.
The weather's getting better, spring is on the way, the south coast will soon be sparkling - there's plenty to look forward to!
The toilette incident could very well have happened to me (it's always the police at my door in my imagination) 😂 And if I had a child, the first scenario as well!
Yes, I always look forward to warmer days 😊
It’s so difficult to read the news at the moment - you’re not alone!
oh my god Daniel, this was harrowing. I'm so sorry you went through that, but you handled it amazingly and you write about it so well. I can't imagine the state of panic I would've been in, you're hardcore!
Hardcore is pushing it, but thanks all the same. Believe me, not sure how well I handled it. I did what I had to do in the end, but I put myself through hell in the process. I’m not so great at remaining calm under any pressure, even the slightest bit of it.
Harrowing, my friend. Thats the only word that came to mind as I read this breakdown of what must have been a terrifying time for you. Thanks for sharing this with us. I'm sure it wasn't easy to relive.
It was indeed terrifying, but strangely, it wasn’t so difficult to relive. Enough time has passed and our bodies are good at coping and helping us forget how traumatic something was at the time. Sure, it was tough, and I was a mess, but I haven’t experienced that same level of inner angst since and I can’t recall how it physically felt, if that makes sense. I just remember it being bad, but now I reflect on it and try to see the positive side - hey, I have a good story to tell now, right? (sounds a bit ruthless, but I trust you know what I mean)
Thank you for sharing this once again
God this was a terrifying read. I remember watching the news and wondering how on earth people would figure out leaving - especially in cases of family illness etc. It was horrific to watch. I can’t imagine being there and I’m so sorry for all those still suffering - thank you for sharing this. People need to read these accounts.
Appreciate your comments, I didn’t mean to terrify you so much, I’ll try to do better the next time 😉🙏
Don’t worry about scaring people. Sometimes being terrified is necessary - don’t sugar coat the shit, if you know what I mean. If news is always easy to read, it’s not news.
‘Don’t sugar coat the shit’ - I’ll take that to heart and bear it in mind, thanks!
Dear Daniel, the main reason for me to leave Kiev immediatelly with Olya was a strong concern (I remember my mother' stories about broken families due to the 2nd World War) that Olya will not see Emi anymore. That is why we rushed only with backpacks and equipment that girls needed to continue working (and earning money!). Fortunatelly, all of us had alarm backpacks (documents, money, water, knife :) etc.) ready from January 2021.
Thanks for sharing Daniel.