My Dark Descent into Social Media Hell

On arguing with idiots (1) and embracing TikTok, etc (2)

The miser in hell. After David Teniers the younger, courtesy of Wellcome Collection.

Part 1: Political nitwittery

Last weekend, I did something I had vowed never to do: posted my hot political takes on Facebook.

I won’t share my comment because it’s not terribly witty (it might’ve involved the words ‘buffoon’ and ‘small prick’) and it didn’t provoke too many inflammatory comments.

It was another writer’s post that did it. A well-known Ukrainian writer expressed her dismay about what had transpired in the White House between Zelenskyy and the buffoon and his prick Trump and JD. I wasn’t necessarily looking to do any rabble rousing. One woman asked a perfectly legitimate question, something like ‘Why did so many Americans vote for Trump?’

I attempted to briefly lay out a few points explaining why and she thanked me (though she responded that her question was rhetorical - oops). It got quite a handful of likes and it wasn’t provocative; it was just matter-of-fact. Nothing much to quibble over.

I got this comment a wee while later:

Now that wasn’t very nice, was it? Calling me an idiot? I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but idiot is going a bit too far, don’t you think? (that’s rhetorical, don’t answer)

I don’t engage much on Facebook in general, but now, all gloves were off. I was tired of keeping my mouth shut and being polite.

So I went along with it, and as sad as this may sound, I was having fun.

Shortly afterwards, I was second-guessing this response. Was I being a bully?

But then:

I looked at her picture and she did seem older than me. But I don’t understand some of her language, and how up-to-date it is. ‘Fag boy’ – what’s this about, is it a right wing insult? (A quick glance at my Facebook profile would clarify my sexuality.) What’s with the learning ‘something from your elders’? That screams old-fashioned, the classic ‘stay off my lawn, you whippersnapper!’ argument. Then we get ‘libtards’ which appears to be a portmanteau of liberal and retards. Okay, that’s logical, though not terribly clever. And then she tweaks her earlier insult and it’s now ‘fag wonder boy’ – is this different from ‘fag boy’?

She mentions ‘reverse psychology’ – I don’t quite get this one, but maybe it’s over my head (if so, the joke’s on me). She concludes with the phrase ‘is so fucking punk’, which sounds a bit early-mid 90s MTVish, no? I’m just throwing out wild guesses now.

Oh, and is STFU – it took me a minute – a common insult, or her own genius invention?

How was my final response? I especially love that kiss for a final flourish.

Minutes after this, she had deleted all her comments. I was disappointed – that’s it? Did I win? Are there winners and losers? Is this how it works?

It was kind of anti-climactic, if I’m honest.

I don’t think I’ll be doing much more of this, but I won’t shy away from posting what’s on my mind and if leads to negative, inflammatory comments, then so be it. We shall see – I’ll play it by ear to see if I interact with these numbskulls.

Part 2: I (still) have no idea what I’m doing

You might recall my post from 1 February: My Social Media Dilemma. The basic gist of it was: social media is confusing, I don’t get it, it’s a necessary evil for book marketing, do I need to start a TikTok or YouTube?, HELP!

I still haven’t got a Scooby Doo clue about all of this stuff, and believe me…

STOP! Editor’s intervention: your dear author wrote close to 900 words whingeing about his technological incompetence and confusion. I’m jumping in here to spare you the agony of reading his drivel and prompted ChatGPT to summarise his entire rant succinctly.

It spit out the following:

“The author, a self-proclaimed cranky Gen Xer, struggles with modern digital marketing and social media, finding the platforms confusing, frustrating, and overly complicated. Despite embracing the idea of personal branding (begrudgingly), he battles technological incompetence, impatience, and an aversion to smartphones. From TikTok to LinkedIn, every platform feels like an obstacle course, and the author is stuck constantly playing catch-up, questioning his sanity. In short, he’s a total dipshit and hasn’t got a hope in hell.”

What?! How dare my editor do such a thing! He knows how much I DESPISE ChatGPT.

He had the best intentions and he has spared you, dear readers, with having to put up with my ranting and raving. You might also be happy to know that I tweaked the output slightly to add a human touch.

I’ll leave the lovely images though.

Imagine if I were in the classroom and a student asked me a simple question, and I just stood there like a muppet, making circular motions with my finger while the class waited until one of them asked me what I was doing and I said, “Not responding.”

Unacceptable!

I almost threw in the towel in my attempts to join TikTok over nonsense like this:

Maximum number of attempts? I hadn’t even attempted once!

It took me 24 hours to join. Every username I wanted to use was taken. I posted this Note in dismay:

If that’s not a sign, I don’t know what is.

And what’s this nonsense?

I have no idea who I am or what the hell I’m doing! Why do you need to know this, CapCut, huh? Just let me create a damn video for crying out loud.

As for LinkedIn, which I’m also new to…good lord, that place is something else. It’s weird there and they seem very needy:

I get one of these for every new connection? Let’s start a conversation? Why? I don’t want to start a flipping conversation!

Do I have a hope in hell?

Why am I bothering?

Fair question.

I’m diving into social media because…

1...If I’m serious about making a viable living from writing, I probably should be embracing this (I refuse to say I’m a content creator though – apply that label to yourself, by all means, but no, not me, I’m a goddamn WRITER).

2 It will keep me engaged with the online world, and connects me with new audiences. I don’t want to bury my head in the sand too much.

(Don’t worry Substackers, I’m still going to spend most of my time here.)

3 I see value in sharing my unique take on English, especially when so much online language learning content is misleading or dull. I’ve seen mistakes, unnatural uses of language, language presented out of context, and cringeworthy ‘presentations’. I don’t get why so many content creators people have huge followings with the crap they put out.

I’ll experiment, mess around, and see what works, focusing on making learning English engaging and fun, with plenty of life lessons (my last post was about philosophical grammar and not dwelling on the past).

The joke will be on me when I fall flat on my face.

Come and find me on Instagram or TikTok

My target audience is, if it weren’t obvious, language learners. For now I’m calling my channel Grumpy Teacher, Great Lessons, but I haven’t put much thought into it.

Another possibility is Professor Grumblebore’s or Professor Grump’s English Miscellany.

These are all possibilities for renaming my Substack as well, by the way. Feel free to weigh in with your thoughts on possible new names.

Any of the following words will also fit into the theme of what I’m aiming for: cranky, curmudgeon, cantankerous, misanthrope, persnickety, gripes, grouchy…you get the idea.

AND…I have a hare-brained quirky idea for a YouTube channel, something I can envisage being fun and enlightening. In reality, it might be a terrible idea, but…I’m going to take a chance and see where it takes me.

It’s not quite as promising as this idea, unfortunately:

I’ve bored you enough here with my tomfoolery but in my next post, I will have more exciting news to share, including the release of my new book.

To conclude, a message from my brother-in-law. The picture on the left is from my wedding in 2015 (the shirt reads Слава Україні!, or Glory to Ukraine!).

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A special thanks to

Sian Meades-Williams

for drawing my attention to the Wellcome Collection’s extensive selection of public domain images.